It's official.

"Go away" is the new "I love you".

Jef

All Y'all

Fuck.

I'm a little drunk.

I'm not going to lie.

I wonder what I've done.
I feel like I've done something, but I don't know what it is.
I do know something though.
Some...things.

I sincerely wish I could introduce other people to the me I can't avoid.
I feel like that would go a long way...
Round.

It seems like I have a service-industry type relationship with my own life.
It's wierd...
Would you like fries with that?

Y'all come back now,

Jef

Oh and Also...

Come onnnnnnnn!

This angsty shit is honest but man,
whining online feels an awful lot like talking thoughfully
to a stuffed animal...or a poster of David Hasselhoff.

Jef

Unprecedented

Dented though.

My involvement on this netty thing seems to be inversely proportionate
to any particularity successful involvement in actual life.

Not that I'm wounded in particular...just not a lot of flight.

I have a problem...
I can't quite differentiate betwixt ill will and no will.
So I end up feeling like the thing that's wrong.

What upsets me more is that folks seem to expect more of me, and when I smash my
pretty head on the bar...I feel like I can't jump.

Then the infuriation starts when others can't see (or ignore) this painfully obvious flaw that governs my anxiety.

You see the thing is...

I don't want to be anyone but me...
...but I wish someone would stop to actually meet that person.

Jef

3 Days Running

Yeah...

There's nothing like being made to feel like the problem
to make you want to kick something in the throat.

Nice.

Jef

Fill this, full.

I think the assumption that those who annoy us are ignorant is mean.
It just seems to me that it is difficult to feel annoying and remain un-annoying.
It's like some sort of causal annoyance loop.
...and in it someone who is already prone to annoying behaviour is caught.
Mean.
Tisk

I too have been accused of fulfilling my own prophecies.
That's just too convenient to say...
Aren't their two people here?

Besides, at what point is a self-fulfilling prophecy
just succeeding at something?
Even if the plan is 'neath my conscious, maybe my
un-side knows more than all of your sides.

I'm just saying...

Jef

Smeh.

I know not what to write...yet I feel as though I should write...

..."you know, just to fuckin write".

How 'bout...

I am currently listening to two men twice my age rock out.
Their 60's don't appear to be hampering them as they are kicking considerable ass.
A skill which most of my current and former colleagues and compatriots have long since lost
their ability to do (in favour of something gross too...polish and acceptence...blech).

I'm listening to geezers out live everyone I've ever met and I'm reminded of something that
I once said...

...and, as it turns out, I was forced to take back at the time because people I made the mistake of respecting thought that "arriving" was more important than the journey.

With your kind permission I would like to re-own this statement...to take it back in reverse, a "versing", if you will...as a sort of "Fuck You" to those who worry about looking good to those who are too busy trying to look good to notice:

"Shooting for the level you're at is nothing but self-taxidermy. It's vain and pathetic all at once!"

You all can come with if you want...but I'm not staying here to be stuffed.

Jef

...thanks for all the fish.

I have a love/hate relationship with humanity.

I see the conflict of interest.

Stupidity sticks in my craw...but goofiness is glorious.
Ignorance is annoying yet naivete is enthralling.
Timid is boring but mousiness is addictive.

and

Nerds are nerds but geeks are...well, me.

I am beleagured by the quagmire of my little internal clash of titanic interests.
Humantity sucks...
...and so do I.
I suck therefore I am.

This conflict is a mountain but...climbing it is everything.

Cool,
Jef

Oi!

Vey.

We're number 2! We're number 2!!!

Man.
(not that number 2...although it's not that far off)

Is the top too much to ask?
Once?

I suppose this is just ego...but I hate the also ran position.
Seperation anxiety mixed with a "grass is always greener" complex'll leave you there, t'would seem.
So I guess the key is to not let anyone "settle" for oneself.
Cool.
Easy.
no problem...right?

Man, I hope I can do that up.
That settling shit is so insulting.

Jef

Free and Clear

The Spartans.
Simple.
Sitting in an empty world waiting to do a job.
I think there's beauty in that.
I even think that there is the root of creative genius in that.

Simple.
A simple plan...
Keep it simple stupid...

It's become increasingly clear to me that there is a fine line between friendship and diversion.
The simplest explanation is this:
A diversion is something that, while fun or entertaining, comes with the eventual realization that you could (or should) have been doing something else. A sort of resentment or regret sets in.

Me, I've never for a second resented my friends.
Not my true friends. I simply can't.
They've never let me down.
Even when I've been nearing the bottom and the fall doesn't seem like much.
My friends know enough to know that this little fall is all I have left.
That's a real friend.

Trouble is...sometimes you have to be dropped on your head to remember who your friends are.

Jef